Tommy’s Ticklers

Tommy’s Ticklers are supplied by Tom Baynton-Williams.

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He says, “Two pints, please. One for me and one for the road.”

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A man walks into a pub, then goes to the gents. He comes out and goes to speak to the landlord. He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?”

The landlord turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your saxophone!”

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So a dyslexic walks into a bra…

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A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bartender here?”

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A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks. “For you?” says the bartender, “No charge.”

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A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whisky, but the bartender won’t serve him because he can’t hold his liquor.

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The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

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Vodka isn’t always the answer. But it’s worth a shot.

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Alcohol puns are always in pour taste.

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Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. – W.C. Fields

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“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon rising, it was the only exercise I got.” – W.C. Fields

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