Tommy’s Ticklers

Tommy’s Ticklers are supplied by Tom Baynton-Williams.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He says, “Two pints, please. One for me and one for the road.”

A man walks into a pub, then goes to the gents. He comes out and goes to speak to the landlord. He says, “You’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?”

The landlord turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who ruined your sax!”

So a dyslexic walks into a bra…

A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

A neutron walks into a bar. “How much for a beer?” the neutron asks. “For you?” says the bartender, “No charge.”

A snake crawls into a bar and orders a whisky, but the bartender won’t serve him because he can’t hold his liquor.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Vodka isn’t always the answer. But it’s worth a shot.

Alcohol puns are always in pour taste.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch. – W.C Fields

“Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon rising, it was the only exercise I got.” – W.C. Fields